Saying Goodbye

I’ve had to say good-bye more times than I may have like, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we have to do it – even if it’s for the greater good, it still stings. And although we will never forget what we’ve given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can’t do is live our lives afraid of the next good-bye because chances are they are not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a good-bye can be a good thing – when it’s a chance to start again

This seemed to be the theme of my Thanksgiving.

My parents and IL’s ascended upon our home in Maine, after a horrid drive up from Maryland. I think it took them about 15 hours because the East Coast had a storm from VA to ME. Gross. It was a good time though. Beanie loved having her grandparents around and, of course, they spoiled her rotten. I’m already working on undoing all of the spoiling. Least favorite parental task ever.

Thanksgiving was a good day. The women-folk cooked while the men folk entertained Beanie. I don’t have any pics of the feast because, lets face it, we all eat the same crap. We know what it looks like and, unless you’re in a food competition, it’s not really fun to look at food.

The highlight of the day, though:

A Big Win!

A Big Win!

And despite Mike Tomlin and his devilish ways, we still came out on top. I really wish our defense would figure their nonsense out. I mean, we’re one of the top rated red zone defenses yet we consistenly flub at the end. But this was a good turning point for us. We’re in contention for a Wild Card spot and here’s hoping we can keep Purple Friday going through December and into the new year!

MIL and I walked the Turkey Trot on Black Friday. It wasn’t terrible for her first 5K. I took the stroller with Beanie. Beanie wasn’t impressed but to her defense, it was wicked cold out. 57 mins to walk it. I’m proud of MIL for this accomplishment. We definitely attempted to burn off some of the cals we took in on Thanksgiving LOL

My parents and I took Beanie to see Santa being brought in via CG boat. Our Station brings Santa into Rockland Harbor to visit, every year, and this year was no different. It attracts a pretty decent crowd and the community loves us for it.

(I have movies of both but go figure, my computer is being stupid.)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Another thing I had to say good bye too: My MFP streak.

434 days of tracking my food/caloric intake and exercise and I forgot to log in yesterday.


For 434 days, it was a way of life. I logged almost everything. But yesterday. Yesterday didn’t happen. To be completely honest, I was bummed this morning. But I’m looking at this as a new start. I’ve been slacking since I busted my ankle up before Halloween. I haven’t been working out, I’ve been slacking on the food logging, and my weight has be bouncing back and forth with the same 2 lbs. 2 lbs isn’t terrible but it’s the 2 lbs that is on the cusp of two weight classes. That’s what’s got me irritated. So I figure, fresh start, time to bring it and get these next 10 lbs off. Weigh ins for work are coming up mid/end of next month and I told myself, I won’t have to be taped this time. I want to get on the scale, show my peeps that I made the standard via weight, and move on with my life.

I also got an app that will have me working on speed work. It’ll have to be on the treadmill because we’re in our winter season. I love running outdoors but the thought of potentially running over ice has me less than thrilled. On super dry, sunny days, I’ll get a run in outdoors but for this new app (Running for Weight Loss PRO: Trainer. On special today for $3.99 which I think is a great deal considering most are $5.99 and up) I’ll be on the dreadmill.

I’m ready to face 2014 head on and move on.

Merry Christmas!

I think my favorite song, this Christmas, has to be “Grown Up Christmas List”, as sung by Kelly Clarkson. With all the bullshit going on with the ongoing war, children being killed while they’re in school, the economy still being shit, I think this is a song to potentially get people thinking about the true meaning of Christmas.

Do you remember me? I sat upon your  knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well, I’m all grown up now and still need help  somehow
I’m not a child but my  heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish
My  grown up Christmas list
Not for  myself
But for a world in  need
No more lives torn  apart
That wars would never  start
And time would heal all  hearts
And everyone would have  a friend
And right would always  win
And love would never end,  no
This is my grown up  Christmas list

And if that was too deep for you:

Beanie and Santa

Merry Christmas to all!

30 Days of Giving Thanks – Day 6

6) a Pair of Shoes:

You might laugh at this but:

My boots.

These are more than just a pair of shoes that I’m thankful for. They steel-toed children-sized combat boots mean a lot more than just “a pair of shoes”. They mean I have a job which means I’m earning a paycheck. They have steel-toes which means when I drop things, I won’t hurt myself. They are polished which means I’m in keeping with the traditions and honors of what the CG means.

Yes, it does appear I may have stolen G.I. Joe’s work boots but to me, they’re a part of who I am.

No Title Necessary

When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck

This made my day.

It’s funny that I happened upon this link because I was having a conversation with a “soon-to-be-new mother” and this seemed to put it all in perspective for her.

She asked “Does childbirth hurt?”

Well — when I said it’s like pushing a St Bernard through the doggie door, I wasn’t lying. Your girl parts attempt to expand to a ridiculous measurement and then you basically act like you’re taking a massive shit in front of a room full of people (your husband included, which let me tell you, has never made me look more sexier to him…) You have contractions that feel like your innards are coming out through your belly button, you can’t eat or drink and you could very well shit yourself while pushing. Or you have a c-section, which you will be strapped down to a table with a curtain put around your chest and then they rearrange your innards (and take some out, depending on where things are laying) and they reenact a scene from Alien and pull this bloody creature from your abdomen. It’s a major surgery so yes, it hurts.

But 99.9% of the time, the end result is totally worth it.

I will say though, “they” are correct when they say you forget all about the pain and bullshit that you’ve just went through. As traumatic as my delivery was with Beanie, I don’t remember the contractions or the epidural screw ups or the pushing.

She then goes on about changing her entire life and plans for accommodate her child.

Umm, I can’t say that. I didn’t change a thing. Most people change their entire lives for their children. Their standing poker nights become a distant memory because OMG they have to be home all the time.

No. That’s so NOT the case here.

I made Beanie fit into my existing life. E and I still went out, we still talked to friends. We didn’t drop off the face of the earth simply because we had a baby. You’re preexisting life can still happen. Sure, you might have to carry a few extra items (diaper bag, wipes, diapers, baby, etc) but you don’t need to bring your life to All Stop simply because you have a baby. Let someone (you trust, obviously) watch them for 2 hours while you go out. Have date nights. Go to friends houses. Do things you did before you were pregnant. Life will start flying by and the last thing you want is to look back and remember all the friends and fun you used to have.

She said “how do I be a mom that does it all?”

You don’t.

You will feel like a failure at some point along the way. You were think that you are the biggest screw up ever because you will see other moms that are trying their best to be Martha Stewart. Let the laundry sit. Buy paper plates. Nothing beats getting down on the floor and playing with your child. Who cares if your house is messy? As long as you aren’t on an episode of Hoarders, it’s ok. Your kid won’t remember that you had spaghetti on paper plates? They’ll remember you being at their soccer games or their cheerleading competitions.

“How did you get Beanie to sleep?”

Well, this is an interesting one. Let me start by saying I absolutely, 110% believe that breast feeding is best. For most. For me, it was not. Beanie was a bigger baby at birth (8lb 4.6oz) and she was hungry. In the NICU, they were giving her 2oz of formula at a time. That wasn’t cutting it. When she cried the hungry cry, I fed her more. I started at 3 oz and then moved up from there. Yes, there was some wasted but I was willing to risk it. She would go to bed at 10p and sleep until 5:30a. That, to me, was sleeping through the night. By 7w old, she was sleeping from 9:30/10p until 6a and that thrilled me. Now, at 11.5m old, she will go to sleep betwen 6-8p and sleep until 6-9a.

I bring up the breast feeding comment because a lot of BF mamas don’t know exactly how much their babies are getting unless they pump. I can’t tell you how to make a BF baby sleep because I know they require more of the mothers. Hopefully you’re able to find a happy medium.

Bottom line: be your own person. Be the mother you want to be. Sure, you can draw on others experiences. Hell, I think I called my BFF K a million times when it came to feeding Beanie solids. I was lost. But now I’m more relaxed and I just roll with the punches. People want to tell me what I’m doing wrong or start a conversation with “When I was pregnant with my kid…” and they are met with a blank stare. Sure, you did your thing while you were pregnant but now it’s my turn to f*ck her up as I see fit. I choose not to put her in a bubble. Shit, just last night she bounced her face off the corner of a desk. She screamed and I picked her up, told her she was ok, gave her a toy, and she was happy again. No need for dramatics.

Don’t title yourself. Don’t put yourself in a category and put more stress on yourself. It’s not worth it and in the end, you will find that you aren’t helping your children any more or any less by trying to be SuperMom. And chances are, everyone else is looking at you and saying “That poor, pathetic woman.”

Thanksgiving 2011

Ok so now that we all know I’m the world’s worst blogger (hello — you try blogging with a newborn!) but I figured let’s start it back up and let you know what’s up.

FB has been doing this whole “What I’m Thankful For”. I didn’t jump on that train this year but I have PLENTY to be thankful for so here goes (in NO particular order):
1) My Husband — The man makes me want to drink, plain and simple. But I love him dearly. I love not only how he makes me feel when he’s around but I love he makes me love me, which has been hard for me to do.


2) Beanie — My Miracle Baby — she is the light of my life. I want to hug her and love her and name her George. She screams at me and hates to let me sleep and will probably be found, staring at me while I sleep, plotting my doom, but I love her.

3) Doctor’s Being Wrong — I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous but because many doctor’s were wrong, I was able to get pregnant. Well that and my husband’s sperm but I’m not exactly listing that as a thing to be thankful for. That’s just gross.

4) Divorce — even more ridiculous, right? But because my divorce was FINALLY finalized, I was able to marry E and get on with my life.

5) Gibbs — He’s my silver-haired fox. I would have said Randy Orton but I once said “I’d let him throw me around the bedroom” but that was not very well received so we don’t joke about that anymore. We know Gibbs ain’t picking my fat ass up so it’s ok to list him.

6) The Posse of Ninja Moms — seriously, without these ladies, I’d be curled up in the corner of a room, swaying back and forth, wearing a straight jacket. Well, I still do that some days but it’s not nearly as often. Seriously, no words had ever been truer then being told “Right now you’re probably getting your ass kicked by this tiny human that doesn’t yet know how to be a human but it’s ok…” These words probably saved my life. That’s all I can say on this matter because, like Fight Club, what’s the #1 rule? Right. You get it.

7) The Sibling — she’s totally my best friend. She talks me down from the ledge. She just gets me.

8) My Sister In Law — we weren’t BFF when we first met and I totally get it. Here I come, the new chick, busting onto the scene and clearly Ethan didn’t have the best taste in women (I’ve seen pictures) so she’s all “who the hell is this new chick?” but I made her like me. That’s right, I MADE her. I’m all “we WILL be friends” and finally, she relented and humored me. Totally kidding. But we are friends now and defintitely embracing the sister role.

9) My Family — they are absolutely bat shit crazy but I love them and they are best family I could ask for. I don’t tell them nearly enough and that makes me suck but they know. I know they know. They know I know they know.

10) Friends That I’ve had for Upward of 26 Years — Friends come and go but I have a friend that I’ve had since we were 4. It’s so serious that even our dads were friends! I was recently in her wedding (the pic you see below) and she has been there for me through leaving for the CG, my divorce, my meeting and marrying E, having a baby, and I have no doubt in my mind that she will be there for me for years to come.

11) My Interwebs Friends — Don’t ask. It’s a secret.

12) Marney — if you don’t know about her, you betta axe somebody.

13)  Reality TV — reminding me that someone, somewhere has more drama in their lives then I do.

14) My Job — I hate it. I hate the people I work with. But I can’t complain because it pays the bills and after being home for so long, I’m looking forward to getting back into the rat race.

I’m positive I’m forgetting things but these are the first things I could think of and Beanie is starting to scream.

But at the end of the day, these two are my world and I never fail to remember or recognize that, despite all of my bad luck, I’m right where I should be

One Boy, One Girl

He finally gave in to his friend’s girlfriend when she said “there’s someone you should meet”
At a crowded restaurant way cross town, he waited impatiently
When she walked in, their eyes met,
And they both stared
Right there and then,
Everyone else disappeared, but
One boy, one girl,
Two hearts beating wildly,
To put it mildly, it was love at first sight.
He smiled, she smiled, and they knew right away
This was the day they’d been waiting for all their lives.
For a moment the whole world
Revolved around one boy, and one girl….

E and I met on a blind date.

Well, I should start from the beginning.

I went through what I like to call “a terrible rough patch” but in all actuality, I was in the middle of a divorce that kept going from amicable to nasty (and back) as the minutes went by on a clock.

I called my Sibling and said, I need new friends. The Sibling says “OH! I have someone you should meet! I work with his mom and she said he needs a new friend to”. VOILA!

I wish.

I stalked him. Plain and simple.

I got his number from my sister (to my defense, his mother gave it to my sister so I don’t know how you’d classify that) and I texted him that very day. I figured, what the hey, might as well give it a whirl. Worst he could do was not answer, right? So I text him and explained who I was and that his mother gave me his number.

We started “talking”, and by talking I mean we were texting at any free chance we got, and by texting any free chance we got I mean, I texted him and he responded with one to three word responses. Apparently my Sibling failed to tell me that he doesn’t speak. At All.

He asked me out for a Tuesday night. Dinner and a movie. Chili’s and “Valentine’s Day“.

Now, anyone that knows me, knows I get lost in my own driveway, while trying to get out of paperbag. Poor boy was stuck waiting for me for over an hour. I get out of the car and he looked like he was going to either vomit or run away. He insists he wasn’t going to and he was excited. I’ve seen excitement and it don’t look like that….

I should preface this by saying, I threatened to make a scene on our first date if he didn’t talk to me. Luckily for him (and coincidentally for me too) he didn’t call my bluff 🙂

I must have done something right b/c he asked me out again…. ♥


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